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Unless you looked like a complete fucking arsehole with no respect for anything, in which case I definitely swiped right. A few guys turned me down politely, which feeds into an ongoing debate in the blogosphere about the so-called "cotton ceiling"—a cheeky play on "the glass ceiling" of discrimination that stops women getting top jobs.
The cotton version is when people who otherwise support trans rights say they wouldn't have sex with a trans person. Some trans people argue that it's wrong to completely rule out dating us and, while it's fine to have a "type," I get where they're coming from. In my view, though, there's a huge difference between denying someone a job versus not desiring someone sexually. Sexual attraction may be the one area that it's OK to "discriminate" in—after all, it's up to you who you want to fuck—but you don't need to be a dick about your preference.
Or, you know, limit yourself.
My Adventures Using Tinder as a Trans Woman
All this feeds into much bigger conversations about desire and race, desire and disability, and desire and class—none of which I am going to attempt to explore here. You could write a book on it. And then six more. So, back to my Tinder guys. Here's how it went when I told someone who I'm going to refer to here as "Fit Freddy. From Islington.
And fit as fucking fuck. Originally I decided that I'd chat with people before opening up, but after a while I decided to change it up, and reveal my fun fact on my bio page. Whether they just didn't read my info when they swiped right, or whether they just thought it was a joke, or didn't care, it doesn't seem to have made any difference. Guys are ON IT. A lot of guys messaged me with "No way did you used to be a guy, lol," which is flattering if somewhat problematic, as it implies that trans women never look "good" but the point is, I'm still popular!
Probably more popular than you. AND I spent my first night on Tinder speaking to two other journalists, both fans of mine, of course. I mean, who knew? Tinder has legitimate human beings on it whom you can talk to about actual stuff. For starters, I found out I'm probably not as slutty as I once thought. Most people are kind of hideous and, to my surprise, I would not lay with them.
I'm not even looking for a Mr Darcy—tbh, I'd rather a rugged little rascal who wants to live out of wedlock and run up huge gambling debts, Mr. Wickham—style, but even those seem to be hard to come by these days. Thank you, dating apps, for helping me to see that, against all the odds, I've been lucky enough to have found, and slept with, some truly beautiful men in my time.
And Simon. I'm not sure if dating apps are a good thing or a bad thing for trans people—they're just a thing. The benefit is simple: There are loads of people to choose from.
So if they're just not into you when they find out that you're trans, who cares? You just move onto the next potential fuck buddy. The drawback of that, of course, is that you're just as disposable to them as they are to you. Someone who may well be open to dating a trans person, given a little time to think it over, could dismiss you before getting a chance to explore how awesome you are.
My Adventures Using Tinder as a Trans Woman
And how open minded they have the potential to be. Like, I suspect most men I've charmed in nightclubs over the years would never have slept with me had they come across me via an app. If you'd asked them: "Would you date or have sex with a transsexual? The truth is, you never know how you will feel in that situation until you're in it, drink in hand, basking in the warm glow of my irrepressible sexual charisma.
What I'm trying to say is, desire is a complex affair and though we may have types tall, dark, and handsome for me, please , none of us can truly explain why we fall for certain people, or merely want to rip the underwear off others. And another curveball. I did something I'd never done before last week: I went on a date with a trans guy.
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